Peace Education. Conflict Resolution. Anger Management. Peer Mediation. These are some of the names of new school programs that seek to teach children how to settle their disputes without resorting to violence. These programs are proliferating as juvenile violence becomes a nationwide concern in cities suburbs and rural areas, and among all races, social classes and lifestyles.
School psychologists across the nation have provided a number of basic steps that parents can take to give effective support to school and community programs.
Don't abuse your child
The philosophy of a nonviolent lifestyle begins in the home, and if you physically abuse your child you're saying tat it's okay for the child to physically abuse others. Discipline at home should never be severe. The school can provide information about effective alternative methods of child discipline, such as "time out" periods or suspension of privileges.
Talk things out
When you have a difference of opinion with a child – or anyone else – provide a good example by settling it with words. Don't yell, interrupt, or threaten.
Build self esteem
While it is important to teach children that they are responsible for their misdeeds, it is equally important to build their self-esteem by praising them for good behavior and accomplishments. Self-esteem is also strengthened by simply talking with and listening to your child. A child who is loved and treated kindly at home learns to love others and to treat them kindly.
Support the school
Know the school's programs and rules regarding discipline and reinforce them at home. Take an interest in your child's homework and school activities, and attend school conferences.
Clarify behavior standards
Be very clear about your expectations for behavior at home, at school, and in the community - and what the consequences are for breaking rules. Explain why you disapprove of such things as destroying property, bullying or harming other people or animals, or being part of a clique that could evolve into a juvenile gang. Put your child on notice that TV shows, movies, and magazines with violent or pornographic themes are not permitted in your home.
Teach social values
Moral education is an essential foundation for good citizenship, and a child's sense of morality and social conscience begins at home. Discuss with your youngster values such as the importance of each person's life, respect for others' property and bodies, compassion for the less fortunate, tolerance for "different" people, and obeying laws. Emphasize courtesy, honesty, and cooperation in everyday life. Explain to children that money isn't everything, and that helping others brings personal satisfaction.
Learn to disagree with your words
Most adults have never been taught to settle differences with words. If your child's school offers parents an opportunity to participate in a conflict management program, sign up. You will learn - and be able to pass on to your children - techniques for turning feelings of anger and frustration into positive action instead of violence.
Just say no
You can reduce your child's risk of experimenting with drugs or sexual activity – both which can involve violence – by supporting school educational programs dealing with drug and alcohol abuse, as well as sex and family life.
Intervention can help
It is difficult for parents to admit seeing signs of antisocial behavior in their child, and to seek professional guidance. But while most children develop appropriate social skills as they grow up, others may begin showing permanent antisocial patterns as early as the fourth grade. Some trouble sign include excessive use of guilt-free intimidation and force to get their own way, frequent and skillful lying, and routine reliance on cheating and stealing.
—Source: It Starts on the Frontline/February 2000, published by the National School Public Relations Association, 15948 Derwood Road, Rockville, MD 20855: (301) 519-0496;
